Why Is Life Like That?

Ever noticed when something goes a bit wrong in life, it is rapidly followed by something else going wrong? Then another problem crops up while you're trying to deal with the first two; then another and another and another.... Before you know where you are, the little hole in the 'Dyke-Wall' you stuck your thumb in to stop the water has turned into a watering can rose and your up to your neck in water...and sinking fast.

Melodrama 1.

Living in France I have a local bank account but maintain my main account in the UK. Periodically, I telephone the UK bank and transfer funds to the French Bank. Been doing that since I moved out here without any issue.

About eight weeks ago, made my phone call and was informed I would need to 'Verify my identity'.
"OK" says I, "What do you want me to do?"
"Pop into your local branch with your passport" Says the voice on the other end of the phone.
"Oh" Responds I in surprise "Where is your branch out here?"
"Out where Sir?" Asks the voice I had just told I am calling from France some 1100miles from where he is sitting.

"France" I remind him.
"We don't have any branches in France sir"
"Then how do I 'Pop into my local branch' ? I enquire.

Silence is the response. A silence long enough for me to ask if he is still there.

When he does respond, I'm afraid I let myself down a little as my parents raised me to be patient with and tolerant of those with afflictions, particularly those with an I.Q. that challenges the temperature of frost in terms of digits.

He asked me if I was "...sure I couldn't just pop into.." my local branch as he was "..quite certain it would only take a few minutes.." of my time and he would then be able to "..process my request".

I briefly questioned his heritage, the orifice he employed to speak with and the location of his brain-cell. This was followed by a short, terse conversation about options and it was agreed that I would get a certified photocopy of my passport in the post to them.

My local Mayor duly obliged, photocopied, official stamp, signed and I dropped it in the post.

One week later, I telephoned the UK bank and indeed they had the copy. Indeed, they could not accept it as verification of my identity as I had posted it to them myself.

"What is the problem with that?" I ask
"It is possible that it could be a forgery" The voice replied.
The silence on the phone line this time was mine.
"Hello" His little voice kept repeating "Hello"

I hung up the phone, as I was in danger of climbing into it, along the phone line and out the other end to inflict some serious damage on this fool.

After a short delay, my telephone rang, which I answered to discover it was the UK bank. I lost it. Completely.
Now I am in my own home, the telephone in my home rings and I answer my own telephone in my own home to have some socially challenged gimp ask me to 'Identify myself'. Ask me to confirm my date of birth and my postcode.
My response to this is not publishable.
I asked this caller the same personal questions as they asked me and they declined to answer.
I told the caller I will be closing my bank account, complaining to the banking ombudsman and consulting a solicitor in regard to suing the UK bank and this individual in particular.

After profuse apologies from the socially challenged gimp on the phone, I listened intently to what it had to say.
In short, they needed to write to the Mayor to verify the verification. To top this, they need the address of the Mayor and, this is the good bit, they ask me to supply it!
This is, I point out, rather ironic as the reason for writing to the Mayor is to ensure I haven't some how made a Mayoral Seal/Stamp and forged the Mayors signature. I could give any address and forge the reply.
I gave them the address, as he can not imagine me doing such a thing...despite more or less accusing me of forging the document the wish to verify with the Mayor.

The account in the UK is now closed and it took all of eight or nine weeks to complete the transaction which, previously, had taken literally a few minutes on the phone on numerous previous occasions. The Uk bank also manged to amass charges of £973.37. I am contesting this.